Getting past Winter
by Lamb101
Summary: Taken to Sunnydale to escape past tragedies but not yet ready to trust, weird things start to happen. Can the Scooby gang help change this? Please just read, and give me some sort of response! (puppy dog eyes) I'll give you cookies!
1. Dawn dusk midnight

Ok, first think I need to say is this is written in the eyes of a not very sane person, but don't worry, it'll get saner as we move along.

Disclaimer: I don't own a lot, certainly no characters and ideas that would make me rich, you get the point.

Distribution: Yell at me first

Yada yada yada insert AN's that are supposed to be here in any good fic

On to the story!

0o0o0o0

Two months ago, two months ago today she left me. Left me all alone. Dark alone. Nothing alone. Broken.

Now we're here, this is what they wanted to remove her completely so there's nothing left but me. I don't want me, I want her let me join her, please let me.

"Michelle" they call to me "Michelle come on you don't want to be late."

Yes I do, let me be late, later than forever let me go home. They take me, force me, I know I can't resist one more step from hell. They push food on me, make me eat I don't want to eat, she doesn't eat.

"She's gone" they tell me as if I don't know. Of course I know. I know it all and that's why I'm here.

"We have a new member today class" I can hear them and they think I can't. "She's fresh from Phoenix with a traumatic past so be nice, please welcome Michelle Jordan." Now I enter the class, the strange people staring, judging, always the same. "Welcome to Sunnydale High" I look at the people, none of them look like her, she isn't here but they're forcing her words on me. "You can take a seat over there next to Dawn."

Dawn… dusk, midnight, daylight, sunshine, rain.

Words flow past like giant bags caught in waves,

She speaks to me, when I write down what to say then she speaks and I'll always listen, always, but…

"Hi, I'm Dawn" dawn is a time not a person, is she time? "You're Michelle right?"

"Yes" no! I can't talk, she leaves when I talk. Never talk, "So you're from Phoenix?" Nodding, nodding isn't talking "Cool, I used to live in LA; small town is a big change."

"Winter never liked change, always the same, can't be different." You said her name! How could you say her name? You're betraying her. "No, no one, I didn't say anyone."

I'm crazy I am, crazy like a fox caught in a tunnel on a hot snowy day.

0o0o0o0

"I met the strangest girl at school."

0o0o0o0

"How was your first day?" First days are never worth living "Did you find your way home ok?" Am I not home now? On time? Would that suggest…. Difficulty?

My room, into my room my only sanctuary from life. She is in there, me and her, she and me. We'll always be in there, pictures last longer, they always last longer. Longer then her, longer then me.

0o0o0o0

So that's my first short short chapter, tell me what you think. Most chapters will be short I'm guessing but I'll update more often if you yell at me.

There will be more actual Buffyness in the next chapters, they do play a big part, im just trying to 'set it up' does strange arm movements

Cookies to all reviewers

please review!


	2. It's getting cold

Night time, it brings a strange perspective on things, everything is dark and you're forced to focus, to really look at it. Walking, night time and walking leaves nothing to be desired. Except maybe her, the only thing I want is her.

A window by the front. That is why I wanted this room. I wanted the freedom. Now I can find my freedom on the streets of this town. With the Phoenix I would visit her at night but I can't find her here. All these holes with all these names they don't belong to her, I can do nothing with them. It's cold out, biting me, always biting me the wind I can never bit back. I try but it doesn't work. Winter and I would always walk at night biting the wind. She was sure it could feel us nipping away at it piece by piece.

I chose where Winter would sleep, she always loved the grave yard, so I put her there. She liked to know about other people. "There are so many others out there" she'd tell me "imagine knowing them all." We were going to know them all, we were going to travel and find everyone. Now I know no one. "Winter you're my everyone" I tell her "I know you're here, running, hiding, listening. You're my everyone."

I cry every day, but only with myself, no one knows I cry.

Now I cry, wander and cry, cry and scream, I scream with silence.

I am not alone. Footsteps I can hear them sneaky like a rabbit. I hear the rabbit through the grass over the trees it calls to me.

"Aren't you a pretty young thing?" the rabbit calls, but it's not a rabbit it has teeth like a dragon. Circling me forward and back. Its hair is blowing fast as the wind bites it. I bite the wind. "Want to feel me bite?"

Another is coming, I can hear, fast, hard, like graceful children in a school yard race.

"Go, go home" she yells… at me? But she… Winter… she… "Go" again with the screaming. I look at her, her and the rabbit fight. So I leave. There's something, something about her.

0o0o0o0

"You went out last night didn't you?" I look, mothers' eyes are not loving and giving like they once were, they are cold and impatient. "Answer me Michelle!"

"I slept last night, the lambs they visited me with news, it'll get cold soon." My face burned as she slapped me.

"Don't lie to me! We've done so much for you, left everything behind so that you could be happy and yet you persist with this craziness."

I looked at her and smiled slightly "it's getting cold." The lamb pulled me outside.

0o0o0o0

"Michelle Jordan to the Guidance Counselor please." Guidance? I'm not lost, lost in history but not lost in school.

"Michelle?" I nodded looking for Winter, she wasn't here but the lamb had followed me. The counselor labeled 'Buffy Summers' looked at me and then at a folder on her desk. The folder was dark like a tunnel or looking back into the sun. It begged to be read while pushed away at the same time.

"So how are you finding school here so far?" the Buffy asked

"Grey" it had all seemed very grey, all except the lamb.

"Well school can be like that when you just join…" she roamed on, I watched the lamb. Then silence reigned, my turn to leave.

"You fought the rabbit" I told her "last night, I saw you."

0o0o0o0

So, wasn't that all confusing and nonsense like!

Cookies for reviewers, please please please…


	3. Spilling out like blood

Angry days, they rain on me so heavy now there is no one here and no where to run for shelter. So I just have to keep running, dodging the rain. But there is only so much space in the world to run to, eventually there is nowhere left to turn.

0o0o0o0

I'd been with guidance twice more that week but I still felt in the same place. I hadn't said a great deal more to her since the rabbit. I send her messages in my head, Winter and I could do that, know exactly what the other was thinking. I thought we were psychic, she just said it was the weather.

During the nights I roam collecting odds and ends to put by winters home. I know she isn't there but I've made it so pretty for the day she visits she'll see how much she wants to stay.

Sometimes I see Buffy Summers out at night also roaming. I wonder if she's lost someone like me and is still looking. She only searches the graves though which isn't very positive thinking. I tell her that in my head but I don't think she's listening to me. I follow her at times, curious. 'Curiosity killed the cat' mother would say. I don't believe it; Winter always would tell me that death kills. I'm not sure if death is a person or not or if he'll go to heaven. I don't think he will, he killed Winter, no one like that should go to heaven.

0o0o0o0

Doctors visits start up again they tell me I'm not cured but I'm still not sure what's wrong. "Write the pictures Michelle, draw the story" they say, or perhaps it was the other way around. "Eat your veggies" yes that's it, lambs need veggies also just like me…. Just like me…

_it's just like me_

_to say to you_

_love me do_

_and I'll be true_

_and what I'd like_

_for you to say_

_is you'll come home_

_to me each day_

That's it, 'Just Like Me' she'd sing that song, Winter sang it so often on the way home from school. "That's what I want, just you sweet thing" she'd always sing me that part, we we're all we needed. Each other.

"Michelle, are you listening to me?" No I wasn't. You're crazy, you want me to forget, I'll never forget.

"Michelle" the sigh, the tell tale sigh I'd heard from everyone of late, the 'I'm giving up on you' sigh such a sweet sound. "We've come to a stage where we cannot do any more for you"  
When did you start?  
"The ball is in your court and it's your choice where we go from here."  
I want to go home.  
"I realize that what you've gone through is nothing short of horrific but you need to take a stand."  
I am I am I am take a stand against you, against them all.  
"You can just sit there like you do, not talking to anyone, skipping classes and sneaking out at night."  
That's how she comes to me.  
"Or you can stand your ground, don't let this ruin your life, try and pick up where you left of."  
What I left is destroyed.  
"You're family have sacrificed a lot for you, to drop everything and move here so you can have a fresh start."  
My family doesn't know the half of it.  
"Take advantage of it, make new friends, and start to live your life instead of watching it float by. I'm not saying you should just forget her but you cannot forget everyone else either. I don't think that is what Winter would have wanted."

"No, you don't get to say that, you do not get to say her name!" I stand up the chair falls down. "You can't pretend like you know anything, you know nothing!"

"Michelle, calm down" She stands up too, she approaches me tries to touch me.

"No!" Screaming, spilling out like blood. I close my eyes, she should just go, why doesn't she go?

Open my eyes.

She is gone.

0o0o0o0

Well hurrah for me in finding a direction for this story! is happy

Also

Hurrah to **Em-958** for being my only reviewer so far. Alas I will not give up!

So, you know, be cool and review it just for me wont you please? I'll give you a cookie!


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